The Battle at Costco - Two Versions of Masculinity in Open Conflict

"He's a pussy little bitch!"

"Sir, I have to ask you to leave. Have a nice day."

Could the clash between cultures, between responsibility, and hyper-individualism be any clearer. But what really stands out for me is the stark clash between visions and versions of masculinity.  

One the one hand Customer Kevin clearly represents toxic or man-box masculinity. He seems to take great pleasure in bucking the system, showing the world through his Instagram feed that he will not obey authority. That refusal to knuckle under and an insistence on independence is baked into Western Culture and traditional manhood. And that independence is not necessarily a bad thing. Shaking up staid culture is part of the Hero's Journey and seems to be a part of psychological individuation.

But Customer Kevin displays the toxic and immature version of independent manhood by

1. Picking the wrong battle. Not all crises call for rebellion. Some call for thoughtful, patient, and collective action. But, when you're in the man box, operating out of the old model of strength, all you've got is a hammer. You've been told that hammers are the only tool for real men and any other tool is for sissies. 
2. Picking the wrong target. Rebellion and non-compliance is useful, like I said, for overturning hide-bound or unjust systems and institutions like Jim Crow, the Vietnam War, and, well, the patriarchy. Costco is a big capitalist entity but it is famous for treating and paying it's employees very well and having great benefits. Also, Costco made it clear it was requiring masks for the safety of its employees. It's hard to make a case for a just battle here. 
3. Personalizing  the conflict. Rebellion is only useful when it's directed at institutions. Picking a fight with an employee and attempting to intimidate him is classic toxic manhood.  Kevin's immature anger is directed, ultimately at Tison, not at the policy or the institution he claims is taking away his freedom. Like a school-yard bully looking to upgrade his status, Kevin went after an individual he thought he could defeat and confer glory and attention upon himself.

Tison represents another kind of masculinity. He is open, even engaging with the Instagram audience rather than hiding behind sunglasses. He remains calm and respectful. He never reverts to name calling. He is a confident warrior, embedded in an (relatively) just and healthy organization. He engages nonviolently with Kevin motivated not out of immature umbrage but out of a desire to uphold a rule that he believes will protect others. His strength comes from care and solidarity and he walks away victorious with the spoils - a cart full of good that Kevin was trying to buy. 

​I hope Tison's version of masculinity wins all our coming battles. 

"Have a nice day."